Boundaries may be material, time-based, emotional, physical, or intellectual. Your needs and values must be clearly defined and the best way to meet them.
Boundaries must be established on individual needs and ideals. They enable leading a meaningful life by facilitating the use of time and resources, maintaining mental space, and maintaining psychological well-being. As a result of how we were treated as children or what we saw in our surroundings, boundaries are formed as early as childhood.
Boundaries signify what you allow and don’t allow in your relationship with others or where you draw the line from self-care to intrusion. Our boundaries can be different for various aspects of our lives. For example –
Porous Boundaries
One can generally be porous with everyone around them or only porous in romantic relationships.
A porous border typically results in toxic relationships. Porous boundaries can cause tangling with other people.
It may look like oversharing, emotional unloading, lack of assertiveness, and need to comply with others.
- Overshares personal information.
- fears being rejected if they don’t do what others request.
- Difficulty saying NO to the request of others.
Rigid Boundaries
A rigid boundary can make the other partner feel lonely in a relationship, as the person with rigid boundaries escapes from openness and vulnerability. While they may come from a place of protecting themselves from rejection and hurt by distancing others, it often leads to a lack of intimacy in relationships.
- Very protective of personal self.
- Maintains distance from others to prevent the chance of rejection.
- They May seem detached from romantic partners.
Healthy Boundaries
Healthy boundaries reflect an awareness of one’s identity, needs, and values. It enables maintaining meaningful connections while respecting oneself and others.
- shares private information in a responsible manner
- Does not compromise value for others.
- accepting rejection from other people.
- In the case of rigid or porous boundaries, one can reset their boundaries for a better self and relationships.
Setting Boundaries – Porous to Healthy
Oversharing is one of the prominent characteristics of the porous boundary. It can lead to exhaustion and mismanaged relationships. This is how you can alter it:–
- Observe where the need for oversharing comes from.
- Is this information appropriate in the context of this relationship? E.g. co-workers
- Would share this information honour your personal space?
- Setting Boundaries – Rigid to Healthy
One may often distance from relationships and open up because they might have been shut down in their past experiences. Being turned down by someone, being hurt when they tried opening up, or being told they’re being “too sensitive. Hence they formed a wall so high that nobody could cross that, not even themselves.
Initially, that wall was created to shield them from the pain, but now it has made them feel disconnected and isolated. For protection it is not required to create a great wall in China, even a small fence can do that. So you may not have to break down the entire wall at once, try to put your guards down one by one, step by step.
Try opening up with one person you feel safest with. If you are facing difficulty in your relationships due to porous or rigid types of boundaries, then you may seek the help of a relationship counsellor as he/she can help you with finding the right ways to develop healthy boundaries with others.
Read More: Boundaries in a Relationship
No comments:
Post a Comment