In Our Indian society Marriage is considered a blessing, But sometimes it can also break your heart, especially if you feel like it's the end of the line. Every individual journey through a separation is unique since there is no simple way to decide to have a divorce. You want to know if your marriage is so troubled that it can't be saved if you're thinking of making this challenging choice.

In this particular situation only you can decide if you should or should not mend your relationship. However, there is some sign that can help you decide whether a divorce is necessary. However, there are signs that your marriage can often be saved with relationship counselling and mutual understanding.

Signs a Marriage Cannot Be Saved

• You Often Feel lonely in a relationship
• Lack of Affection or Intimacy issue
• Not Spending Time with Your Partner
• Lack of Fighting anymore.
• Refuse to get help from your partner
• Untreated Addiction
• You and your partner overcompensating on social media
• Cheating in relationship
• Always worried about financial Problems
• You are constantly disappointed
• you have stayed in touch with your ex

An unhappy marriage causes stress and anxiety for both partners. Having support and direction is essential whether you stay together or separate. marriage counselling by an online therapist can help you resolve the conflicts between you and your partner.

For many us being locked up with our partner and working from home together is a novel situation may trigger up a variety of emotions. It is a comfy break for some couples as they have a chance to spend more quality couple time which was interrupted by daily tasks, responsibilities, long office hours, parenting etc.

Now that we are spending all the time with our partner, how do we set apart various aspects like our office work, relationship and me-time?

Follow these Rituals to Survive Transitions

Rituals bring a sense of security, stability and familiarity specifically for those who are creatures of habits and feel overwhelmed in uncertainty and chaos. For couples, these rituals can help them form a structure to their daily routines as couples and as working professionals during this lockdown.

·         Wake up at the same routine

·         Transition to work-  have separate workstations, check-in with each other when you have  breaks, have a meal together

·         Have me-time as prioritizing alone time helps to fill and recharge ourselves so that we can give our best to our work and family.

·         Have date nights at home or through a video call.

·         Have your meals without screens.

·         State of the Union meeting (A term coined by relationship expert Dr Gottman) once a week meeting to discuss frustration, stressors, challenges with a partner.

·         Fun couple activities like playing the card game, a board game, watching a movie or series together

·         Stick to sleep routine.

The couples who relied on the emotional distance and space they are used to can have more tough times. A lot of couples could be escaping from taking a look at the cracks in their relationship. While in lockdown, in China, the number of domestic violence cases reported to the local police increased significantly in February, as being forced to stay together in limited spaces might bring up-

·         Cannot encounter relationship challenges under the carpet

·         Triggers

·         Unsolved emotional wounds

·         Feeling stuck

·         Abusive/emotionally negligent relationships might intensify to become more unstable and volatile

If both partners are emotionally approachable, taking the time out to opening up the can of worms can help their relationship

Seek the help of loved ones, neighbours, therapists, relationship counselling or abuse helplines for support and relief in cases of unhealthy relationships.

Needs act as the bedrock in deciding where we place ourselves, what and who we choose for ourselves and how we maintain an equilibrium.

Just like Maslow explained the hierarchy of needs to grow and evolve as individuals, these are applicable in terms of our relationships too.

Physiological Needs- financial stress like insurmountable debts or dissatisfied sex life cripples a romantic relationship. A partner would run out of any resources to meet the emotional needs of themselves or their partners.

Safety Needs - Past experience of abuse will constantly send you signals that the world is not a safe place to be. Or, if you have struggled as a child for the basic warmth, love, affection, and attention, you may exhibit and reflect the same pattern in your future relationships by becoming too needy or too distant.

Conversely, you may not feel safe with your partner to express your vulnerabilities. This could be due to your partner avoiding conflict, shutting off themselves or making you feel unattended with your feelings. Thus making your relationship inauthentic and stressful.

Love and belongingness- It is about placing your relationship in public or within your community. If a partner fails to feel supported or acknowledged within the community (read- inlaws/extended family) there could arise conflicts in the relationship.

Esteem- When one partner has low self image, they may end up with insecurities - real or imagined. This could bring jealousy or unhealthy conflict-management in the relationship.

Self Actualization- When partners accept each other how they are and are ready to do self-work it unleashes the potential for the healthiest form of relationships. There are fewer taunts and more empathy.

Relationships can be assumed as a difficult recipe. A recipe needs certain ingredients essential to create a delicious and excellent dish. While baking or cooking, it is necessary to follow the directions and take the measurements, set forth by the recipes.

If you use the wrong ingredients, or miss any ingredients, or use inappropriate amount, then you are risking messing up the dish. Your recipes will either taste a bit off or totally destroyed, rendering it uneatable. Relationships work same as recipes; they need a lot of ingredients to work and in the appropriate quantity are important.

The incorrect ingredients or wrong mixture of these ingredients can make a relationship unhealthy, unstable, or even abusive that leads to a painful break-up. So people need to be careful about what they put into their relationship to make them healthy and long-lasting partnerships.

Here are some ingredients that are necessary if you want to have a successful relationship:

Communication-  Healthy communication is one of the most important ingredients or component to have a healthy relationship with your partner. Lack of communication or miscommunication may lead to relationship failure.

Communication lets couples to stay on the same page and resolve any conflict in effective and productive ways. Listening to each other’s concern is important to value and hear individual feelings. If you feel you are not able to communicate your concerns to your partner then you can also consider relationship counselling experts to know the effective ways for putting your concerns to your partner.

Trust- Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Honesty, Transparency and clarity are vital to build and maintain trust in a relationship. Trust is built on dependability and reliability and does not come easily, particularly for a person who has been deceived earlier. Trust is fragile and broken once can be very hard to get back together. It is about being there protecting one another’s hearts and keeping promises.  

Intimacy- Physical and emotional intimacies are also important for a healthy relationship. Emotional intimacy helps a couple stay connected and sync with each other. It helps in developing a sense of safety and security with each other. Physical intimacies like holding hands, cuddling, and physical relations should be the top priority to preserve the romance in a relationship.

Working Together and Sharing the Responsibilities – The key to a healthy and successful relationship is to work together share responsibilities of household and parenting. Working together allows couples to create a stronger connection and to get over obstacles and difficult situations together.

Respect- Having respect for each other is significant to develop a healthy relationship. Partners are required to respect each other’s opinions, thoughts, aspirations and dreams. Individuals in a relationship have to respect each other’s concern despite being disagreed with them.

Friendship- Enjoying your partner’s company, laughing with them, and having fun together as true friends help you to build a strong bond with your partner. Building romance and love upon a strong friendship make a relationship, long-lasting.  

Recipes can be complex and challenging sometimes. Even most skilled chefs and bakers use their creativity and instincts to prepare a dish. Relationships are so much like that. Relationships are messy, tricky and complicated. To make them happening these necessary ingredients needed to be present in the right amounts. Creativity and instincts also are an important part to have a healthy relationship as every relationship is different not the same. 

According to a family and marriage therapist – A true relationship is created on trust, respect and equality, a marriage and family therapist. Where partners can easily share what they need and how they feel.

They share a deep bond of security and protection. They always have each other’s backs. Throughout the worst times—from feeling sick, to grieve about terrible loss, they both are there to support each other’s sides.

According to a family marriage therapist- in a true relationship one where can feel free to be yourself. Feel accepted, connected, wanted and cherished. And you make your partner feel the same.

A meaningful relationship does not just happen simply. Sometimes, the ingredients required are already there. But generally, they make meaning, independently as individuals by making it assured we are being clear, thoughtful and compassionate; and as a couple together giving priority to the relationship with constructive communication and fighting fair.

In different words, if you want to know how couples can create and cultivate meaningful relationships, find the tips below:

Make conflict Nonviolent – A very common mistaken belief is that fights are a sign that you are not in a good relationship. Though, it is the opposite that relationships that do not have fights and conflict usually have years of rejection of their needs and pushing everything under the mat.

In a healthy and meaningful relationship, both partners navigate conflict constructively. But that does not mean cursing, yelling, blaming your partner or getting defensive. But it means to be present and available to your partner. This means acknowledging the pain of your partner and comforting them.

Experts suggest that conflict between partners is an opportunity to make your bond stronger. When a partner tells another about the insecurities they have like I feel that I don’t matter to you anymore, then another one should apologise and explain their importance by taking advantage of this opportunity.

Explore your Role - Many people try to run away from conflicts by thinking that how terrible, offensive their partner is and how poorly they behaved.

Instead, thinking that, try to put the spotlight on yourself. Because chances are that you also did not behave that great. For example, one may ask themselves such questions as how could they have handled it differently or could have contained themself better, or have controlled themself differently. How things could have been said more relationally or respectfully.

If couples realize their behavioural offences and their role, they will start finding themselves in a meaningful relationship.

Listen with your full heart - Meaningful relationships require emotional support from each other. Listen to what your partner wants and be honest and curious about how they feel and what they think. This is not always good to prove a point or to be right. When it comes to listening, listen with the intention of understanding where it coming from, and set aside your agenda.

Probing is good in a relationship to understand what makes them feel that they don’t matter. Understand well and clear the misunderstanding.

Talk your heart out -Be vulnerable, especially at the time of conflict. It may mean saying that you are hurt right now and apologize that you were not there for them when they were alone. Assure them that you want to fix this and will work together with them. If there is a lack of trust then you can ask a close friend or relative to mediate or for a non-biased approach take the help of relationship counselling.

Provide a roadmap. To have a meaningful relationship with your partner you need to be transparent and specific about your needs. Tell your partner what comforts you and what can make you feel comfortable when you feel insecure.

It may be the case, that you do not know, that your needs are the priority for your partner. Lots of people do not. This is why it is suggested to check in with yourself and identify what you want or what you need and express to your partner. Because until you do not know, what are your needs and desires are, you can’t expect your partner to know.

Again, meaningful relationships are those that are sincere, safe and honest. Partners are genuine and vulnerable with one another. They empathize and work over the conflict, and use it to give a boost to their strong bond.